bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
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