I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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