In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
