Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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