Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
