dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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