u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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