Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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