ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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