considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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