You made me cry and you don't even care
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
