Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
