R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
