I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
