ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
