Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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