Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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