it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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