Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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