Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
