id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
