hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
