I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize