Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
