i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
