Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
