I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
