I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
