He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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