you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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