bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
