I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There r osticjed everywhere
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
