i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
