her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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