I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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