He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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