I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
