oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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