Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
