Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
