At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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