so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Alive.
So much puke
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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