Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
