Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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