Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
