Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
