that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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