Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
whose parrot is this?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
