i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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