you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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