What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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