i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
