We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
