dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
