i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
