I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
