I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My breasts were aching with rage.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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