I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
