You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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