our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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