True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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