1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
