Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
